Amy Arvary is the founder of Conscious Style, which combines the “inside beauty and the outside beauty.” Working with professional beauty salons and individuals,  Amy provides workshops that emphasize the importance of positive thoughts in order to feel good about ourselves, and look fabulous.

In 2005, Amy was a happy Mom of a daughter when her husband left her. She found herself alone without a place to live and enough money to survive. She went through a very difficult time of depression and compensated with a lot of food. She found the energy to rebound after seeing the movie The Secret that helped her realize all the benefits of positive thoughts.

“How you think is how you feel” became her motto. The Buoy Blog met her at her office in Sparta, NJ

Amy Arvary and Georgia
Amy Arvary and Georgia

The Buoy Blog: How did you start Conscious Style and why?

Amy Arvary: After my dark time, I left the beauty industry to learn about hypnosis and start Conscious Style. In my practice, I help people realize that what they think is different from who they are. They need to find the thoughts that fit them

We all have a truth that is different from other people’s truth. For example, if you talked with family members about a Christmas eve when you were five years old, everybody will tell a different memory from the same night. It’s all a question of perspective. My perspective is not yours and vice versa.

We need to change our perspective of ourselves
to change inside and outside.

I can help you do that, it’s why I have created Conscious Style.

TBB:  Can you describe a workshop for our readers?

AA: Mostly women in their forties come to my workshop. Women have to live with an image of who they are supposed to be as a mom, a spouse or a successful CEO. Society, family, and media give women a part to play that can hurt them and at one point they decide to say, “this is not who I am.”

A workshop is a group session. I explain to people the way our brain works to understand where our negative thoughts came from. We look at the ratio of a typical day with the negatives and the positives.

Then, I start hypnosis. I ask people to imagine how the best in them looks like and feels like. We are programmed to think a certain way about ourselves, ways we have learned from our families or any environment we have lived in. We need to take a new approach on the way we think about ourselves.

Hypnosis helps me to deprogram
what your negative thoughts are

I use the technique called hypnotic progression. It allows you to see what your desires really are. We always think we have excuses as to why we do not have the life we want, such as I am not smart enough, rich enough, I am not good looking, or I am too fat. In hypnosis, there are no such feelings. It allows you to visualize all the details of who you really are, and have confidence in yourself.

For example, people who suffer from anorexia think that they are fat. We know it is not true. So, the hypnotic progression allows them to see the truth as it is not as they believe it is. It’s about changing the perspective, the way they look at themselves.

TBB: Your classes are also on “outside beauty.” Are you changing people physically?

AA: I change both the inside and the outside. Mostly when we feel crummy, we will get a haircut or we buy a new outfit, and we feel good about ourselves. But, it doesn’t last long. After washing our hair or taking off the outfit, we feel crummy again, because we cannot fix the outside if we don’t fix the inside first. We think if we change our clothes, buy new stuff or repaint or remodel our living room, we feel better. But we don’t because we don’t change the way we think about ourselves.

We need to learn to feel good about ourselves
regardless of the circumstances.

What I do is help people to be aware of their thoughts. Usually we are not aware of them because they are automatic. As we get older, we program ourselves to operate a certain way. You know what you believe in and not believe in, and what you are doing is right. That’s  your truth, and there is nothing wrong with that. But, maybe this truth was introduced to you when you were 6 years old, and it’s not really a truth that is helping you attain what you really want to achieve.

Also, we live in a society that tells us what we need to have in order to feel good. We need the right car, the right outfit, the right size, etc. Even the way we are supposed to react to a situation. For example, when someone gets a divorce, we say things like “Oh my god, it’s awful.” But usually is not, because when someone gets a divorce that means that something wasn’t good in his/her life. Something bad is over and something better can happen.

TBB: If you deprogram the people who come to your workshop, is it a sort of manipulation or self-persuasion?

AA: I teach them how to do it, how to change their thoughts themselves. I don’t know what is in their mind, I just go through it as a tour guide showing them where  their negative thoughts are and how to turn them in a positive way. They have their own interpretations of their experiences. Realizing that allows them to recognize their negative thoughts. Then, they have to see what they want instead.

They think: “I feel bad about this, or insecure about that.” So the question is: “What do you want to feel instead?” The workshop helps them find their answer.

TBB:  How can we be aware of our negative thoughts if for us it has been our truth for years?

AA: I have a trick to help you and your readers. Think of the top two things that are upsetting, worrying or scaring you, then think about the top two things that make you happy. When you think about things that trouble you, you can feel it in your body. It’s your physical response to the thoughts you are having (stomach ache, palpitations..) . You need to listen to these signals, and change your thought by thinking about the two things that make you happy.

TBB: Why is exterior beauty so important for you?

AA:  Because it has to match, it’s a bond between mind and spirit. It makes us feel whole, specially women who can never be a whole. They feel like a mother, a spouse, an executive or a friend… Conscious Style allows women to have the confidence of who they are, and radiate that and make the version of that. When you look in the mirror, or people are looking at you, you are the real reflection of whom you are inside. Before I had my daughter, my outside looked very good to people, but, I was miserable on the inside, and I used to treat myself very badly. However, people found me fabulous! If you are able to let who you are out and to feel good regardless of the circumstances, it doesn’t matter how big your butt is!

TBB: Is it expensive to change our look?

AA: No! and it doesn’t have to be! Before my dark times, I had a lot of money. When I found myself without any money and too many pounds, how could I do it? There are other ways. For example, you can organize a party with friends, and you swap clothes. I help women learn how to put makeup on, and we can go anywhere to get it. It’s not a question of budget. There is always something for someone to achieve. It’s by changing the way you look at yourself that you will find the right look for you.

When you start changing,
everything around you will change too.

Such as the conversation you’ll have with people, the impact you have on them…

TBB: It’s not always easy to have positive thoughts when we feel bad about ourselves.

AA: Be aware of what you are saying to yourself every day. Listen to yourself. When someone compliments you, what pops into your mind first?
“Oh, they are making fun of me, “ or “Really? My hair looks so ugly…”
Change that kind of response. If someone gives you a compliment, take it, and convince yourself of that.

You can also use a “Go to” though you’ll use when you feel bad. When you are not feeling that good, think about a positive experience that makes you smile.

TBB: It is hard to stay positive after someone has disappointed us or we could not achieve something we really wanted to!

AA: Your expectations are based on your experience. Nobody can understand them but you. If something is not happening the way I expected, I am not upset, so I can find a solution to make it happen even better.

Everything is neutral.Nothing is good or bad.
You have the ability to make it positive or negative.

TBB: Ok, but sometimes when we are angry, it feels good and fair!

AA: It’s because we have the wrong program! Anger is not a good feeling after we had this righteous illusion, and it has a bad impact on our body. What we do at that moment or what we say is not in line with what we desire. It’s just going to amplify this anger and our frustration.

The purple condom

I have a trick I use to protect myself against people who have a negative influence on me. You are going to laugh, but even this laugh will protect you! When you have to deal with people you cannot avoid, you can use it. I call it the purple condom. It’s full body condom. When you meet one of these people, you drop, in your mind, the purple condom over you, from head to toe. It will immediately make you feel better. Then you will laugh, and it will automatically change the way your brain was programmed to respond to this person. Every time he/she talks, imagine the words bouncing on the purple condom. It protects you.

TBB: It really works like that?
AA: Yes! It’s not an automatic thought, so the trick is to make it become one. The more you do it, the easier it gets. You have to practice before entering a room until it becomes automatic, like we know without thinking about it, that we need to insert the key in the key hole to start our car.

It’s amazing to see how, with a laugh, we can change the energy around us. This energy grows. The positive will grow, but if we think negatively, the negative will grow instead.  The purple condom keeps the positive energy with us and the negative out. If you feel like some people have negative energy around them, you can also put a condom on them!

If we keep the negative with us, we are not as good as we could be. If I am working with children on a project, but in my mind I think about the fight I had with someone, or I ruminate some negative experience with someone, or my money problems, the project is not going to be as good as it should be, because I don’t send positive vibrations around me

Remember, the way we think affects how we feel, and the way we feel affects what we do. It’s why it is so important to understand our thoughts and their effects on us, and change them for good.

You can find more information on Amy Arvary on her website

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