Last Friday and the following, I should have posted a new article for the Buoy Blog. I know, I didn’t. The fault is all on me. Do you know what I say to myself in a situation like this?
“What’s wrong with you? You cannot handle a few words to write ? You have a blog and what did you do for it? Nothin ! Oh, you are so lazy and stupid that you could not manage this. Anybody else can do it, but you.”
I can go on like this for hours. I am a bully and my victim is I.
Would I talk like this to a friend? I don’t think so! With a friend I will be nicer, more sympathetic. Friends are like that. Even if they know you well, have seen all your faults, they love you and support you all the time.
Why can’t I be like that with my poor self?
Maybe you are as mean as I am with yourself. Maybe you tried the test I told you about on my previous post, and you have realized it; you are your own bully. It is so hard to see ourselves as we really are.
Maybe you are asking if it’s not too self centered to think about self compassion, but like Sharon Salzberg said, “Loving ourselves points us to capacity of resilience, compassion, and understanding within that are simply part of being alive.”
Sometimes to feel good about ourselves when we did wrong , we put down others so we can be so much better in comparison. We will put all our own errors on the other person, and start blaming her/he. This strategy can help us for a while, but soon we will use this same way of talking toward ourselves.
To stop acting like this, we need to know ourselves better. We need to face our own flaws, and then understand who we are. If we don’t use self compassion when we start looking in the mirror and we don’t like what we see, we start beating ourselves up. To help ourselves, we either make someone suffer or we curl up. Neither option is healthy. We need to break this cycle, and learn to be nicer and more tolerant with ourselves.
The problem is not to be perfect. The problem is to accept that we cannot be perfect and agree that it’s not a big deal.
We have to be our friend.