Wow. I cannot believe it’s already January 31st.
I swear- I was ready to write an empowering post the first week of January to tell all my good intentions for the New Year. It was about enjoying life, giving time to myself, writing for the Buoy Blog, spending time with my friends, doing yoga and tai chi.
Then, what happened?
It’s the end of the month and still no post on the Buoy Blog. I haven’t see my friends since last year. The YMCA hasn’t see me in months. The best moment I have to enjoy my life is when I go to bed and fall asleep in minutes, and it’s also my best moment for myself.
I look around me. My house is a mess. My desk crumbles under a pile of old papers, bills and scrap notes.
Where did the time go?
I have some good excuses, as usual. Sometimes I feel that my best skills are avoiding the hairdresser and finding excuses to let things slip through my fingers.
For January, I have a very good set of them:
First, I was busy enjoying some visits at home. I would not miss a minute or two of my family for my writing.
Second, I couldn’t write a word after the attack in Paris. I wasn’t there, but I felt the pain, the anger, and the anguish. I keep asking myself the same question: where do we find compassion, understanding, and love when the world is creating a gigantic vortex in which we are all stuck?
Third, the cold came.
Then the snow. I am now in hibernation state, and my hair is chaotic.
Excuses can be true or not, but they are like New Year resolutions, a lack of honesty with oneself. If I want to improve, I have to be honest with myself. I don’t give time to myself because it’s easier to continue my bad habits than to change them. Maybe I don’t see my friends because I am not the good friend I pretend to be. I don’t write because I am afraid nobody is going to read my post, and it’s less painful not trying than being disappointed.
I create false excuses because I don’t have real ones. Maybe my resolution for the 11 months to come, is to stop finding excuses and start looking for my true self.